Kissing Toward God

I hate religion. God hates religion. We have a lot in common. Religion is a terrible way to live because it avoids love. But if we say that Christianity is a relationship, then that's not a shortcut either. That's a much higher calling. Relationships are complicated and high-maintenance. A relationship, any relationship, always asks more of me than I'm able to give, and I never feel like I'm doing enough. It would be easier to fulfill a religious "honey-do" list. It would be much easier to sacrifice a goat every once in a while, rather than love God with all of my heart. Religion allows me to chart my progress based on church attendance and tithing and Bible memorization and evangelizing and so on. But a relationship doesn't allow us to arrive anywhere. Relationships are always in transit, and you never really know if you're succeeding or not. Sometimes, I find myself calculating my sins for the day or week, and then I realize that I'm just being religious and that God isn't impressed. Trying to chart my spiritual progress is futile, because it has nothing to do with love.
Anyway, trying to earn someone's love never seems to work out very well. I'm glad God already loves me and wants to develop our relationship. That means that I can just enjoy Him and do things for Him because I love Him, instead of competing for His affection.

I often forget that God is a person, not human, but a person nonetheless, with feelings and a unique personality. Yet, when I try to picture Him, I just see a big ball of light or a stormy cloud or something. I don't know what He looks like, and yet I love Him. That's kind of weird. Sometimes, I ask God how He's doing. He's probably doing just fine, but I just wonder if He always has good days or bad days or what. Sometimes, I wish He'd just text me or something. If Christianity is a relationship, then it's not like any other relationship I've experienced. After all, it's often hard to talk to an invisible friend and keep a straight-face. But God has His reasons for being so mysterious, and I trust Him more than I trust myself. I'll be a fool for Him, if that's what it takes to prove my love.

One of the Greek words for worship is "proskuneo." It means to "kiss toward God." It doesn't mean to kiss in a romantic way (Jesus isn't my boyfriend). But it refers to a servant kissing the hand of a king. I love it, because it speaks of both affection and reverence, which both hinge on interaction. To worship God is to interact with Him and recognize our bipolar relationship. It is to recognize that He is awesome and I'm not, and that I should be grateful that He wants to be friends with me.

It's amazing how easy it is to talk about God as if He's not in the room. Or to read His book without looking up and saying hello to Him. Even now, there is a part of me that doubts that God is really hanging out with me at the downtown Beanery. If that's the case, then maybe I should've bought Him a coffee. Then again, I'd probably be too tempted to drink it, and if I did drink it, then I'd wonder if God was mad at me for drinking His coffee. On second thought, it's all God's money, so I guess He actually bought me coffee. Thanks God.