Monday, December 28, 2009

Hooking Up or Something Like It

Asking a girl out is scary. I don't know why. What's the worst that could happen? If she says "no," then I go on my merry way and that's that. And yet I still have a terrible feeling that if she says "no" then the whole world will know it, and it will go on some permanent record somewhere. As if throngs of news reporters are going to show up and hound me and say things like "This is Peggy Powder with Channel 2 News. I'm with Ryan Smith who just got rejected by a girrrrl. Tell me, Ryan, how does it feel to be such a loser?" It's not a rational fear, fears rarely are. I read somewhere that girls like confident guys and so I try to exude confidence and yet I always feel like girls can still smell insecurity. In reality, I know everyone's insecure, some hide it better than others. Most of the time, people showcase their strengths as a distraction from their weaknesses. My weakness is that I'm not normal. The more I try to act normal, the more not normal I feel. Someone will say "Just be yourself," which sounds like a good idea until I actually do that and then normal people don't want to be around me because I'm not normal. And I don't want to get stuck with the weirdos. I'm a walking a paradox. Part of me wishes to be normal, and yet I fight to be unique. Regardless, my whole life feels like a steep climb to get away from myself. Whoever that is.

I have another problem when it comes to dating. I can't date without thinking about marriage. In my mind, I try to live out the rest of my life with a girl that I hardly know and I get dizzy. I picture babies and bills stacking up and her being mad at me for leaving the peanut butter out. I wish I could just enjoy a date without feeling the weight of the next 50 years. And yet I don't want to date blindly or haphazardly. I want to take it seriously, but maybe I'm making things more complicated than they really are. Or things like this really are complicated and I should remain blissfully ignorant in order to move forward.

I wish dates could be more fun and feel less like a job interview. I don't like questions like "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" The honest answer is that I have no idea. And yet I feel the need to validate myself and prove that I have a pulse. I feel like I should say something like "Well, for starters, I plan to purchase a small island in the Atlantic with the money I made from being professionally awesome, and then I plan to sail the open sea while learning to communicate with dolphins." I wonder, at what point does a casual get together with a girl become a date? Last summer, a girl and I floated the Willamette river, just the two of us. I accidentally dropped my car keys (which I shouldn't have carried with me) into the water and couldn't find them. We ended up having to walk a few miles back to her car in our drenched clothes as it was getting dark. I thought it was a disaster, but she said she had fun, and so did I. Maybe, it wasn't a date, but at least we had a good time and got to know each other better without any sort of pressure to start shopping for a ring. Maybe, getting together with a girl can be more fun if it doesn't fit the typical protocol for an official date, whatever that is.

Anyway, in the end, I think it's the guy's responsibility to ask out the girl. I'm old-fashioned like that. A girl can make herself more approachable, but the guy should be the initiator. Maybe that's why God gave guys such resilient egos--to handle rejection. I think that if a guy doesn't fight for a girl in the beginning, then he'll never fight for her. He'll never be the leader he was meant to be. If a girl pursues a guy and thinks she's got him, I think she'll find that she ends up pursuing him for the rest of their lives together. He'll always feel out of reach, and she won't find the earnest love she's looking for.

Another day is unfolding with new possibilities--another chance to fall in love. Who knows, maybe, today's the day. And maybe, I have a say in the matter.

3 comments:

  1. Oh! DATE has somehow become a "Calvary" four letter word! I am super irritated by the un-health we are breading in young people, placing too much pressure on what in my opinion should be natural. I am telling my boys to date. Dating is not coupling and should lead to friendship not marriage. Coupling leads to marriage. I also do not believe that people should marry the first person they DATE. Yet many Christians have an unrealistic idea that they will, the whole court to marry has become an in-balance. Date, have fun, build relationships, learn about yourself in the process. Just one mom's thoughts.

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  2. Kristen...you are amazing. thank you for that comment.
    And Ryan...your candid style is always refreshing. and when you find the right one she will love you as you are, don't ever try to be anything else.

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  3. I heard once that if a guy doesn't pursue you, he either a) doesn't like you enough, or b) does not have confidence. Both are reason enough for the girl not to be interested anyway. Just a thought :)

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