Tuesday, October 11, 2011


It seems that great love always begins with an aching, and it ends with an even greater aching. . .ahh love.

I went to a funeral yesterday. It was for Matt's dad. Matt was one of my closest childhood friends. His dad was a good man, and even at 54 he was too young to die. Funerals are the only ceremonies I can think of where the guest of honor isn't there. As I sat through the service in the church that I grew up in, surrounded by people that watched me grow up, I was once again reminded that life promises death, love promises loss. As I looked around the room I realized that as I get older I will lose more and more of these people and then it will be my turn to go. I know this, I've always known this, and yet there are times when you truly know something in a way that you can almost taste it. Where it's not just a passing thought, but it's a gravity that grips your senses.

But this is a blog about love and dating and heartbreak and marriage and everything in between, so why am I writing about a funeral? Well, it reminded me that often we as singles can be so preoccupied with thinking about that one special person that isn't in our life yet, and we can so easily forget to cherish all the amazing people that are in our life right now. They won't always be there. Again, we all know this, but do we really know this? Also, I think about the fact that we aren't promised another day or even another breath. Whoever said that we were all guaranteed a soul mate and a wedding and a family and grandchildren someday? We aren't entitled to anything. We have today, and that's all we have. Even today will soon be in the catagory of loss, we can never get it back. If we don't choose to live a full life today, then we won't do it tomorrow either or next week or next year or whenever. Today is the day to love each other like we've never loved before. To love each other like we are all dying, because we are.

Autumn itself is something of a poetic funeral. Death falls from the trees. And we too will pass from this world like a wandering leaf. Without warning. Without a sound. We will be carried away by a brisk wind never to be seen in this world again. And it is only those who have truly loved, that will have truly lived.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Pursuing or Stalking?

In my relations with girls, I've always felt that there is a very fine line between pursuing and stalking. For instance, throwing pebbles at a girl's window at night could be interpreted as magically romantic or just plain psychotic. A series of letters from "a secret admirer" could be a girl's lifelong fantasy or her worst nightmare. You just never know. When it comes to sweeping a girl off her feet, it's difficult to know if you are trying too hard or not trying hard enough. And let's face it, if you try to sweep some girls off their feet then you're bound to get a face-full of pepperspray. Cavemen never had it this rough.

As a guy, you never know if a girl perceives you as a gallant pursuer or a creepy stalker. Girls, give us guys a break sometimes, will ya? If you don't want to be chased then just tell us, we can take it. We don't like paradoxical signals-- it feels like the old game "Red Light, Green Light." But if you do want to be chased then make it a little more obvious, we'll give you a headstart, whatever. If the cat-and-mouse thing isn't clear to us then we feel that if we go ahead and chase you, then you're going to tell all your girlfriends about us-- the creepy guy who won't leave you alone. And we don't want to be "that guy."

Unfortunately, I realize that this is all wishful thinking. The dance of dating is never this choreographed. Fortunately, most guys are risk takers. If we waited to figure out a girl before pursuing her then we would be celibate for life. Girls are an unsolved mystery, it's just one more thing that makes them captivating.

Plus, it's a good learning experience for us guys. Someday, my future wife will want me to understand her on a deep level. And that process begins when I first meet her and try to figure out what she needs and wants. Does she want more attention or does she want some space? Lesson number one: Timing is everything in everything. I could be frustrated with all of this mystery or I could appreciate that it compells me to look deeper into her heart. Thus, bringing us closer together in the end.

The way I see it, if Jesus is our male role model, then we must pursue our bride as madly as Christ pursued his. So boys, be men. And girls, maybe hold off on the restraining orders.