What Black Holes Taught Me About Love

I watched a documentary about how black holes were once stars that imploded. And at the heart of a black hole is distilled light, but the light can't escape because the gravity of the black hole is too strong (Hello, my name is Ryan Smith and I'm a recovering nerd). But I couldn't help but marvel at how that is such a commentary on the gravity of selfishness. What a black hole is to light, is what selfishness is to love.

I've heard it said that with dating and marriage, it's not only about finding the right person but that it's about becoming the right person. At first when I heard that, I thought it meant that I needed to start practicing good table manners and get in the habit of putting the toilet seat down and stuff like that. Anyway, changing myself never seems to work out well. But upon further thought, I realized that it's not really about changing yourself as much as it's about the mindset itself. "Becoming the right person" puts you in the kind of mindset that blossoms into a great marriage. Selfishness is our default, it comes naturally, we don't have to work at it. But selfishness kills marriages. If we are just looking for someone to meet our own list of needs then we're not ready to get married. Marriage isn't about inviting someone into our world where we're the rock star. It's about two people stepping outside of themselves and creating something new together. It's about two people swapping dreams, not killing their dreams, but entrusting them with someone they love more than their dreams. Someone who is a big part of their dream, not just an accessory.

I've gotten used to being single and selfish. I pretty much do whatever I want, when I want. I eat what I want, I buy what I want, I watch what I want, I wear what I want, I hang out with whomever I want. My apartment temperature is perfect for me, my stereo volume is perfect for me. For the most part, I come and go as I please. My only real responsibility is to make sure my bills get paid and that's about it. And I realize that marriage will change all of that. But I've also realized that selfishness doesn't make me happy. The more I focus on myself, the more unhappy I am. Fortunately, I'm a Christian with a God that has encouraged me to be selfless since I was little. Otherwise, my selfishness would be out of control and I'd be very unhappy.

Someone once asked me if it's bad for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. I could've referred to Bible verses, but it was a Christian who didn't take the Bible very seriously, ironically enough. So, I just reasoned that it's a very bad idea to marry someone who's going the opposite direction than you. You'll end up tearing each other apart. The world encourages people to be more selfish and "to follow their hearts" and to put their happiness before the needs of others. But our God encourages the very opposite, because he doesn't want us to turn into black holes. He wants us to shine. Our selfish desires betray us. Without God, dreams become nightmares. We think we know what we want until we actually get it and then we end up hating it for not being what we thought it would be. Real love is the only thing that lives up to its promises. Jesus is the light of the world because he exemplifies a better way, while this world is imploding and getting blacker. Our sinful flesh desires hell, but God is trying to save us from ourselves. We must entrust our dreams with a loving God or our dreams will eat us alive. Among other things, it seems that marriage is the antidote for a selfish world.

Furthermore, I'm in awe of the sacrifices that parents make for their kids. They shine love in a way that I don't yet understand. Kids are so ungrateful and insane, and yet for some reason parents don't put them up for sale on Craig's List. Nevertheless, it is surely the refracted light of God's agape love, and it is beautiful to behold.