Monday, October 3, 2011

Pursuing or Stalking?

In my relations with girls, I've always felt that there is a very fine line between pursuing and stalking. For instance, throwing pebbles at a girl's window at night could be interpreted as magically romantic or just plain psychotic. A series of letters from "a secret admirer" could be a girl's lifelong fantasy or her worst nightmare. You just never know. When it comes to sweeping a girl off her feet, it's difficult to know if you are trying too hard or not trying hard enough. And let's face it, if you try to sweep some girls off their feet then you're bound to get a face-full of pepperspray. Cavemen never had it this rough.

As a guy, you never know if a girl perceives you as a gallant pursuer or a creepy stalker. Girls, give us guys a break sometimes, will ya? If you don't want to be chased then just tell us, we can take it. We don't like paradoxical signals-- it feels like the old game "Red Light, Green Light." But if you do want to be chased then make it a little more obvious, we'll give you a headstart, whatever. If the cat-and-mouse thing isn't clear to us then we feel that if we go ahead and chase you, then you're going to tell all your girlfriends about us-- the creepy guy who won't leave you alone. And we don't want to be "that guy."

Unfortunately, I realize that this is all wishful thinking. The dance of dating is never this choreographed. Fortunately, most guys are risk takers. If we waited to figure out a girl before pursuing her then we would be celibate for life. Girls are an unsolved mystery, it's just one more thing that makes them captivating.

Plus, it's a good learning experience for us guys. Someday, my future wife will want me to understand her on a deep level. And that process begins when I first meet her and try to figure out what she needs and wants. Does she want more attention or does she want some space? Lesson number one: Timing is everything in everything. I could be frustrated with all of this mystery or I could appreciate that it compells me to look deeper into her heart. Thus, bringing us closer together in the end.

The way I see it, if Jesus is our male role model, then we must pursue our bride as madly as Christ pursued his. So boys, be men. And girls, maybe hold off on the restraining orders.

1 comment:

  1. Ryan this is great! Not that I've really truly pursed for a while, but it is very confusing. Every guy wants to meet that perfect girl and have her want to be pursued. But some girls like the attention and in a way can unintentionally lead them on. Then, when the guy gets more serious he mysteriously transforms from pursuer to stalker. What was once a good friendship that "might be leading to something else" can become unwanted pursuit. I almost laugh sometimes when I hear women ask "why don't good men pursue me more." I think partially it is because there is a weighing and great consideration of risk verses reward.