Online Love

Last week, a friend of mine asked what I thought about online dating. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening and said he was asking on behalf of someone else who was considering online dating. I was mildly suspicious, but I played along. And tried not to laugh.
I gave my gut reaction. I hadn't thought about it much before, because I never took the idea seriously. For me, online dating was always in the same category as Russian mail-order brides and Halo.

There are sins and there are bad ideas. I personally don't think online dating is a sin. But I always like to look at what's going on below the surface and examine the deeper issues. One of the deeper issues is convenience. Love is being corralled into the world of drive-thru coffee stands and instant popcorn and shiatsu massage chairs and Walmart. It's all about convenience. Putting yourself out there, taking a risk and pursuing someone in real life is just plain inconvenient. Waiting for that one right person to come along is also inconvenient. Leaving the house--inconvenient.
For the Christian, God's sovereignty is a major factor when it comes to finding "Mr. or Ms. Right." If there were no God, then it would be completely serendipitous. There would be no guarantee that we would ever find that soul-mate. But if a Christian believes that God has a plan for their life, then that includes their love life. Afterall, marrying someone is one of the most important decisions we'll ever make. God has a vested interest. We second-guess God when His time-line for us isn't the same as everyone else's time-line.
I'm not sure if there is only one "Mr. or Ms. Right" out there or if there are just a lot of "Mr. and Ms. Wrong's" to be avoided like landmines. The Bible doesn't really say, and in the Old Testament people had multiple wives, which is completely insane. I wonder how many wives 'smarty-pants' Solomon would've had if online dating existed back then. Anyway, the question "Is there only one right person out there for me?" spills into the subject of predestination and God's foreknowledge, which is all too erudite for this blog. As for me, I continue to pray that God's will would overrule mine when it comes to love, because He has a good plan and He knows best. And I have made Him Lord over my life, which includes my love life. I'm not advocating passivity, but trust. I trust God because I know He loves me. My parents want what's best for me and so does my heavenly Father. Often, I don't know what's best for me. Often, I don't know what I should be looking for. So, I trust and obey, knowing that every step of obedience will eventually lead me to a crossroad where love will be waiting as if it had been there all along. To be fair, I must say that if God is sovereign, then He could use whatever means in order to bring two people together, including online dating. It just seems more forced and impatient, but that is only my opinion.

Which brings me to the next issue--control. Most of the time, my computer obeys me pretty well. It's very humble. It's a Christian computer. Anyway, I feel like I'm in control when I'm on my computer. I can only imagine that online dating invokes a similar sensation. And yet love is such a wildly unpredictable force. It defies boxes and cages. The love of another cannot be controlled. That's why God gave us a freewill. If we had no choice, then we could not choose to love Him. Online dating appears to force love into a controlled-environment. I looked at Match.com to get a feel for it's interworkings. The whole process appeals to our desire for control. Online dating allows people to browse from a safe-distance without giving up any control. And they can control who is readily available by checking boxes about what kind of person they want to date. It promises life-long love in 6 months or less. In that case, love could fit into our dayplanner. Yes, we like control.
Glamour Magazine said this about Match.com: "It's like Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors: blondes, redheads, Egyptians and probably a set of Siamese twins if you were to search long enough." This statement says it all. It borders on the pornographic. Pornography also capitalizes on the desire for control. Perhaps, online sex is the extreme of online dating.

I do wonder if some of us are trying to find perfect love in this world, putting people in the place of God. Expecting another human to be my Savior is expecting a lot. Online dating seems to promise perfect love. People will be let down when they find out that love is not convenient. What happens when virtual reality crashes into reality? Online daters will be wrecked when they find out that the person they fell in love with through online chatting doesn't really exist. Perfect love doesn't exist in this world. God is that love, which we crave. Will that supernova of truth ever set us free?