Thoughts On Dating

The reason why I hate dating is that I hate breaking up. Whether I'm the one breaking it off or getting dumped, everyone loses. I really wish there was some way to date without hearts opening up and getting attached and risking heartbreak. And yet, that would probably be a very dull dating experience. People will tell you to "guard your heart," which sounds good until you try to do that, while still trying to function as a human being. How do you explore love and yet guard your heart?

C.S. Lewis said "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.” C.S. Lewis knew all about this sort of insulated solitude. He didn't marry until he was 56 years old, then he was only married for four years until his wife (17 years younger than him) died of cancer.

I think that heartbreak comes in different forms. Separation is not the only means to heartbreak. I'm sure that even married people experience heartbreak from the caustic words and actions of their spouse. But the reason that they experience heartbreak is because they love. Our hearts cannot be broken by people whom we have no affection for. To love someone is to allow them to reach into your heart, they may either do good or do damage, there are no guarantees. But, in the end, feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. A heart that has never been broken is a heart that has never truly loved. The problem with broken hearts is that they tend to react by locking all the doors and boarding up the windows, until they suspiciously observe everyone through a peephole. Everyone becomes suspect, everyone becomes a threat.

When love is awakened, heartbreak is inevitable. Most sane people don't go into a relationship with the intention of hurting each other, and yet it happens over and over again. I think that dating is only dangerous if there is no intent to explore the possibility of marriage. I would argue that if someone is nowhere near ready and willing to get married, then they are not ready to date. I could be wrong, but statistics show that everyone who agrees with me is right (go figure). So what is dating? It seems like it is simply a means to get to know one another and see if you still like each other after that:) Many young Christians, seem skittish when it comes to dating, as if dating is not spiritual. It can be very spiritual or it can be very worldly, it depends on how you go about it. Prayer is everything. God should be allowed to chaperon the whole process. That might sound old-fashioned, and yet excluding God in the dating experience is a sure sign that things are not heading in the right direction. We tend to pray selfish prayers, but I recommend praying for the other person, prayers like "God, what's best for her? Am I the right person for her? Will this draw her closer to you, God?" That seems like a good place to start. If we enter into dating with a selfless attitude, then that very attitude will set us up for a salient marriage. In short, practice being a good husband or a good wife, right now.

I think the best way to buffer your heart is to keep giving it to God, even while you are dating. That is also a good indication of whether or not you should date that person. Ask yourself- Am I still able to give my heart to God in all of this? God doesn't want us to worship our girlfriend or our boyfriend, our wife or our husband. They are miserable gods of miserable heavens. We must put our faith and hope in the true God, not in another human being. That being said, if we are ever to get married, then we must date. Maybe, dating is another way for God to teach us to pray fervently.