Marriage Is Not The Meaning of Life

How many movies have ended with a wedding? As if that is the end of the story. As if that is the resolution to any and all conflict. As if that is the end of the adventure. I want to make a movie that begins with a wedding. . .

The other day, I realized that a germ of a lie had crept into my head. The lie is this-I will be happy if I get married. I wonder how many people enter into marriage or a dating relationship expecting the other person to fix them. Is that what marriage is all about? Just another self-improvement method? People parrot the words "It is not good that man should be alone," but as singles, we hear them saying "As long as you're unmarried, you will be unhappy and broken." Jesus wasn't married, and apparently it was good for him to "be alone." Anyway, that verse about man being alone, was uttered in the context of Adam being the only human being on the planet, he was utterly alone. No friends, no family. For some reason, people quote that verse as if marriage is the cure to loneliness. However, I know that their are many married people who still feel lonely. Be that as it may, it is interesting that Adam had unfiltered communion with God, and yet he was declared to be alone. Evidently, we need people, and that's okay. God designed most people for marriage. It's okay to love God with all your heart and still desire to be married. We were designed for fellowship with others, and marriage seems to be the deepest fellowship that we can have with another human being. It involves sharing absolutely everything. It involves being absolutely naked with somebody. It involves sex, the indelible bonding of two souls. Marriage is the confluence of two lives.

These days, there is a lot of talk about living in the present, the now, as a means to contentment. A couple years ago, I took a world religions class. I learned that Buddhism places a heavy emphasis on living in the now. Our assignment was to go into the MacDonald Forest and try to fully exist in the moment. It was the opposite of escapism. I was to drink in my surroundings and become fully aware of my thoughts and senses. It was an attempt to freeze time. It was very calming. It was also very difficult. It is tricky to think about what you are thinking about. Sometimes, people ask me what I'm thinking about, and I don't know what to say, because my mind feels like a buzzing beehive. Anyway, I stood in that forest, trying to think about what I was thinking about. And then the most annoying question popped up-Why? Why am I doing this? What is the point of being so engrossed in the moment that I have to go stand in a forest by myself? Dwelling on myself is depressing, not liberating. With that in mind, I can't think of any scriptures about the importance of living in the moment, but I can think of several verses about living one day at a time. We're told to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. We're told to pray "Give us this day our daily bread." We're told to hold our future plans loosely, and say "Lord willing, we will do this or that," because we have no idea what will happen tomorrow. And we're told to not look back once we've put our hand to the plow. Naturally, it seems that all of my discontentment flows from living too much in the past or in the future. I will only be content if I'm able to live for today, not focusing on what could've been or what should be, but simply appreciating what is. Another day is before me. An opportunity to live and love people. An opportunity to be content in God.

If you are single, say this sentence out loud "Marriage is not the meaning of life." Louder!. . .okay, not that loud. We mustn't try to find our life's meaning in marriage. We're not going to be married in Heaven. Marriage is temporary, like everything else in this world. What you are doing right now and whatever you do later on today- going to work, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, getting a haircut- it's all temporary. Most of it is quite meaningless. After all, it's not about what you're doing, but it's about why you are doing it. If it's not for God's glory in some way, either directly or indirectly, then it's meaningless. And you will feel a divine discontentment in your soul. Similarly, if you invest in marriage only for the sake of having a good marriage, then it is meaningless. But if you are truly doing it for God's glory, then it will shine as eternal gold.

Here's my new outlook on the matter. I am not going to expect marriage to grant me contentment. 1 Timothy says that "Godliness with contentment is great gain." Apparently, godliness is linked with contentment, it has nothing to do with circumstances. It is a godliness that contents itself in an unchanging God. It is possible to be "godly" and yet not content yourself in God. That's where most Christians err. I want to achieve that sort of steadfast, divine contentment before I get married, so that I don't put impossible pressure on my wife to make me happy. I'm not going to enter into a relationship with the idea that we will fix each other. Only God can fix us. I want to get married for the sole purpose of loving God more through our togetherness.

Yesterday, I was trying to be content with life as usual, not just concerning relationships, but with everything. I prayed "God, if you want me to settle, then I will settle." He told me not to pray that anymore. It seems that there is a place for godly contentment, but there is also room for godly discontentment. If you've read the Bible, then you will notice that God never told people to get comfortable. God is not a very good massage therapist. He always imposes on people's comforts, roughing them up a little. That's fine with me, I get bored easily.

Anyway, each day seems to be a temporal bridge between yesterday and tomorrow. My world is changing, I am changing. I know I am in the fold of providence, and so whatever bridge I am on right now, is a bridge worth crossing. I want to keep moving forward, following hard on God's heels, and God is always on the move. But I also need to learn to enjoy the journey, laughing and singing along the way. Say it again-"Marriage is not the meaning of life." Maybe, we should stop asking "What is the meaning of life?" and start asking "What is the meaning of today?"