The Art Of Singleness

I wonder how many single people wish they were married, and how many married people wish they were single. . .

I had a great phone conversation with a dear friend who is now married. Amidst the crescendo of chirping kids, she encouraged me to enjoy my singleness while it lasts. She said that when God feels that He can bring more glory to His name through a married Ryan Smith, then He will bring the right woman along. It's a very easy thing for Him to do, as easy as turning a page. It could happen at anytime. One day can change the course of a life. He could even take one of my ribs and fashion a Mrs. Ryan Smith if He so desired (I hope I don't have to call her Mrs. Ryan Smith, that would be weird). He's God and He can do anything. But right now, I'm single. Just singing my solo. So God must feel that I can bring Him more glory as a single person during this chapter of my life.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 says "I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible."

In all honesty, just because I'm single doesn't mean that I always spend my time "doing the Lord's work" or "thinking how to please him." That's the bull's eye, but sometimes, I feel like my singleness is enabling my selfishness. Singleness is virtual anarchy, self-rule, absolute freedom. I am not living with my parents and I'm not living with a spouse. I march to my own rhythm. It's all very simple. Do I really want to complicate things? And yet, I think most singles have this haunting sensation that they're missing out on something amazing. And those of us who've plumbed the depths of singleness and exhausted the luxuries of its liberty, are ready for something new. All the while, the hour-glass of God is patiently keeping time, grain by grain. God is very punctual. This is all part of His plan.

As singles, we must hand over our hearts to God. We are not in limbo, we are not idling, we are learning to love God more than anyone else, more than anything else. Someday, that will be the cornerstone of our marriage. In our impatience, we are learning to be patient. We are learning the art of waiting on God. And that will prove to be a life-saving tool in marriage. In our desperation, we are becoming more desperate for God. To be desperate for anything but God is a dangerous thing. Like Esau, some singles seem to be on the verge of hastily selling their birthright for a bowl of stew. We are also learning to give our freedom and our rights to another, namely God. We are learning what it means to serve. These are virtuous lessons. I think some married people are still trying to live as if they are single. They still can't seem to give up their independence. And so they fight their spouse as if they are leading an insurrection.

I want to marry a woman whose sole purpose is to please God. That way, if I please her then I will also be pleasing God through her. In that case, she will not be a distraction but a window to Heaven. I do not wish to marry someone who has worldly ambitions, because I would feel as if my pains to please her would be shallow and evanescent.

This is a time in my life that I will someday look back on and wonder why I didn't invest more of my freedom in the kingdom of God. I hate regrets. Often times, the tension of not being married, robs us of the joys of being single. I know that marriage will call down new glories, but right now I want to do things for God that I won't be able to do when I'm married. As a single, I feel like an artist, spontaneously splashing buckets of paint onto a canvas. From here, it looks messy, but to God it is a masterful mosaic worth finishing.