Years ago, I was asked to teach at our church's college group. As a young single guy I decided to teach on marriage, being the expert that I was. Really, it was just something I wanted to learn about. Years later, I am still learning a lot about marriage even though I'm unmarried. I feel that if I learn through other people's mistakes then maybe I won't make them when I'm married. But it's also a genuine curiosity that makes me want to take a closer look. I love watching older couples interact. What strikes me is their uninhibited honesty toward each other, nothing is hidden and flattery is insulting. I don't share that sort of naked honesty with anybody. It seems that honesty comes with trust, and that sort of trust comes with countless times of testing. It is a depth of contented love that I have yet to experience, but I see it in their eyes. It's not Hollywood's glamorous version of love, it's better. It's real.
When I think about marriage, I can't help but think about all the divorces going on around me. And all the couples who are talking about divorce, and all the couples who aren't talking about divorce, but wished they were divorced. It's very disturbing. It always ruins my fairytale daydreams about marriage. Something is terribly wrong. Why all the divorce? Sometimes, I think that if so many people are wanting out of marriage then maybe I'm better off avoiding it altogether. Honestly, sometimes I want to be married and sometimes I don't. I've had seasons where I really wanted a girlfriend, then I got a girlfriend, but then I didn't want to have a girlfriend. My fickle heart scares me. I don't trust myself. I know that marriage is for life and I take that very seriously. If I do anything right, I want to stay true to my wedding vows. I'm sure that if I get married then there will be times when I'd rather not be married, but I'm convinced that my love for God and my family will be my strength and inspiration to give it my all.
I think the high divorce rate reveals our fallacies about marriage. Our expectations and imaginations set the bar at an impossible height. We view love like we view the lottery. We want prosperity but we don't want to work for it. It's interesting that divorcing couples almost always blame the other person. If I know one thing, it is that marriage stands or falls based on the element of self-sacrifice, agape love. If we go into marriage with only selfish desires and an unwillingness to sacrifice then we will lose. It seems, we'd rather try to change someone else into the idea of the person we love rather than work at loving the real person. The seed of divorce starts with that seminal unfaithfulness. Consequently, if someone is bent on changing their spouse, and not willing to change for their spouse, then that is a form of self-love. And that marriage will fail.
I've noticed a growing aversion to marriage among young single guys especially (maybe some girls too, but not the ones I've talked to). That attitude actually makes sense in a culture of rampant sexual immorality. Sex is supposed to be reserved for marriage alone, but that hard line is being softened to the point of being obsolete. In our society, to be a virgin is as peculiar as being Amish. The misunderstanding of grace in the church is breeding compromise. The Devil's best pitch is "Just do it and God will forgive you later" and after the fact his tone changes to "God could never forgive you." Sufficed to say, sex is not the only reason for marriage but it is one of the reasons, according to its Designer.
I think young singles are also apprehensive toward marriage because from the outside it just looks hard. It seems so time-consuming and high-maintenance. And really it's not a commandment to be married, it really is optional. Sometimes, I joke that Jesus and Beethoven didn't marry so maybe I won't either. But seriously, there's a part of me that knows that if I never get married, then I will be missing out on a great adventure. It will be a facet of love that will remain a mystery. I believe we are here to explore love, and marriage seems like a locked corridor in my life. I know that if I get married then it will be scary at times and I will see parts of myself that I'd rather not see. But in the end, if I am willing to look hard enough then the truth will set me free. It is hard to lose my life and yet there is a part of me that wants to lose myself more than anything else. That is true freedom. With marriage, I look forward to completely investing myself in someone else, where her hardships become mine and vice versa. And knowing that if the whole world turns against me then at least one person will still be holding my hand.
Be that as it may, whenever I feel a strong yearning for marriage then I pray. I pray for my future wife and somewhere out there she is being kissed by blessings. I pray that if she is feeling forlorn that the Lord would wrap His loving arms around her and steady her heart. And maybe she is praying for me. Maybe, we aren't so far apart after all.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
If The Devil Were God
Sometimes, you must ponder the antithesis of something in order to obtain a deeper appreciation. Sometimes, in order to recognize something we have to recognize its opposite. We often determine what we like by starting with what we dislike. Moreover, we savor life once we've tasted the bitterness of death. I cherish family and friends more and more as I realize that they will not always be in my life. We are living out moments that will soon be memories. I treasure relationships in light of inevitable separation.
Similarly, some of us can testify to the ecstasy of God's light only because we've recognized the miseries of outer darkness. And in order to appraise love we must imagine a world without it. A world turned upside down. What if the devil were God?
What if we had been born into a world where the highest authority burned with hatred toward mankind? That kind of God would delight in, not blessing, but cursing his creation, tormenting it. His agenda would not be salvation, but death and destruction. And we would be powerless against such cruelty. We would live in a hopelessly withered world, cowering under the demented whim of a sovereign tyrant. We would surely beg for death. If God were not good, who could dethrone Him? There were no guarantees that we would have a God of love. But we do. We were not entitled to love, but Jesus died and we were written into the will.
In our universe, water is the quintessential ingredient for life. We search for water on other planets to know if life is possible elsewhere. Some scientists propose that love is also vital to the survival of our species. They say we love only for the purpose of procreation and self-preservation. They argue that if people did not fall in love then mankind would soon die off. However, it leaves much to be accounted for when it comes to the complexities of love. That might account for a pseudo-love that seeks profit, and yet real love is so much more. What about the other kind of love that I witness each and every day? Love that goes beyond self interest? I believe that agape love is the greatest evidence against the theory of evolution. When I see agape love enter our atmosphere it appears as an alien beauty, a miraculous force, not scientific. Agape love stops me in my tracks, as if I have just witnessed a transmission from another world. When the rich feed the poor, when the strong carry the weak, those acts of self-sacrificial kindness defy the logic of evolution. Why do we stand in awe when we see people sacrifice for others? Why do we feel a deep sense of fulfillment when we make someone's day? It has nothing to do with self-preservation. Surely, the trail of charitable love leads back to a loving Creator. We are glimmers of unearthly love only because we all bear His image. We are like our Father.
On this Thanksgiving Day, I am sincerely thankful to live in a world where love resides on Heaven's throne.
Similarly, some of us can testify to the ecstasy of God's light only because we've recognized the miseries of outer darkness. And in order to appraise love we must imagine a world without it. A world turned upside down. What if the devil were God?
What if we had been born into a world where the highest authority burned with hatred toward mankind? That kind of God would delight in, not blessing, but cursing his creation, tormenting it. His agenda would not be salvation, but death and destruction. And we would be powerless against such cruelty. We would live in a hopelessly withered world, cowering under the demented whim of a sovereign tyrant. We would surely beg for death. If God were not good, who could dethrone Him? There were no guarantees that we would have a God of love. But we do. We were not entitled to love, but Jesus died and we were written into the will.
In our universe, water is the quintessential ingredient for life. We search for water on other planets to know if life is possible elsewhere. Some scientists propose that love is also vital to the survival of our species. They say we love only for the purpose of procreation and self-preservation. They argue that if people did not fall in love then mankind would soon die off. However, it leaves much to be accounted for when it comes to the complexities of love. That might account for a pseudo-love that seeks profit, and yet real love is so much more. What about the other kind of love that I witness each and every day? Love that goes beyond self interest? I believe that agape love is the greatest evidence against the theory of evolution. When I see agape love enter our atmosphere it appears as an alien beauty, a miraculous force, not scientific. Agape love stops me in my tracks, as if I have just witnessed a transmission from another world. When the rich feed the poor, when the strong carry the weak, those acts of self-sacrificial kindness defy the logic of evolution. Why do we stand in awe when we see people sacrifice for others? Why do we feel a deep sense of fulfillment when we make someone's day? It has nothing to do with self-preservation. Surely, the trail of charitable love leads back to a loving Creator. We are glimmers of unearthly love only because we all bear His image. We are like our Father.
On this Thanksgiving Day, I am sincerely thankful to live in a world where love resides on Heaven's throne.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Jealous Love
Last Sunday, a fiery old preacher ranted that God doesn't love everybody. He quoted Psalm 5:5 which says that God "hates all workers of iniquity." In that case, God hates everybody, because we all sin. 1 John 1:8 says "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." In reality, in the Psalm that the preacher quoted, the Hebrew word for "hate" indicates enmity. It's not that God doesn't love sinners, but those who live in rebellion against Him are choosing to be His enemies. However, Jesus taught that we should love our enemies. And Jesus never espoused something that He didn't practice. Yes, God loves His enemies. Romans 5:8 says "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." This shows that God loved us before we were saved. And of course there is John 3:16 that says "For God so loved the world." Yes, that refers to the people in the world.
Why is this important? I feel the need to contend for the charitable love of God, because that cardinal truth is the only hope this world has. If God only loves us when we love Him, then we are in trouble because that kind of love is no different than any other love. That kind of love won't save us. That's a narcisistic love. But God's love is an agape love, which surpasses affections and conditions. We must remember that we only loved God because He first loved us. There was no other love for us to draw upon. We were helpless. That kind of divine love is not within us. But God's heroic love came to our rescue, and gave us the ability to love rightly.
Romans 2:4 reminds us that God's lovingkindness leads us to repentance. God's impending wrath may drive us to repent out of sheer terror. But God desires our love more than our fear. His lovingkindness persists to win over our hearts with His gentle outstretched hand, as if trying to earn the trust of a skiddish animal. 2 Corrinthians 7:10 adds that "godly sorrow brings repentance." If you love someone then you don't want to hurt them. When they grieve, you grieve. Love always opens the door to potential heartache. God loves us enough to become vulnerable to how we feel about Him. He is jealous for us, like a husband is jealous for his wife and doesn't want to share her with another dude. God is so jealous for us that he doesn't want to share us with the idols and devils of this world. And He is so jealous for us that he doesn't want us to give ourselves over to death and hell. He wants to spend an eternity with us. When we practice sin, we are cheating on God and trampling on His heart and it shows that we don't really care about Him. But if we truly love Him, then our sin toward God should produce in us a godly sorrow. We will want to tell God we are sorry, because we truly are sorry. It will not be an obligatory sorrow, but a heartfelt sorrow that churns our stomachs. I hate hurting people that I love. I hate hurting God. It all comes back to love.
Honestly, I don't like to dwell on the wrathful side of God, but it's not going to go away. I know God's wrath is fueled by His just nature, but I think it is also tempered with His jealous love. The absence of love is indifference. God is not indifferent. Sometimes, anger is the posterity of love (not in an abusive sense). The people that I get mad at the most are the people that I love the most. They have exclusive access to my innermost parts and are most able to prick my heart. God is angered by our sin because of His jealous love for us. Our sin distances us from Him, and He wants us to draw nearer. The pinnacle of God's wrath is the removal of His presence, because in His presence is absolute goodness and felicity. When we speak of God's wrath we are not alluding to a hot-tempered God who constantly flies off the handle, but we are talking about a God who is longsuffering and is willing that none should perish. But if a person tells God to "get lost" enough times, then they will eventually get their wish and they will find themselves in a place devoid of beauty. The only reason there is good in this world is because God has not abandoned it. This is not a God-forsaken planet. . .it is a God-forsaking planet.
We will not fully appreciate heaven, until we realize hell. We will not fully appreciate grace, until we realize sin. Likewise, it is healthy and realistic to view God's kindness in contrast to His wrath. We could easily become like that little girl who thinks she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger. And if we're not careful, we could begin to see God as a big pushover who is easy to manipulate and take advantage of. But God is not so easily fooled. His love is not blind. And those who test the limits of His patience will find themselves falling over the edge. There is a side to love that is terrifying. Hell has no fury like a God scorned.
Why is this important? I feel the need to contend for the charitable love of God, because that cardinal truth is the only hope this world has. If God only loves us when we love Him, then we are in trouble because that kind of love is no different than any other love. That kind of love won't save us. That's a narcisistic love. But God's love is an agape love, which surpasses affections and conditions. We must remember that we only loved God because He first loved us. There was no other love for us to draw upon. We were helpless. That kind of divine love is not within us. But God's heroic love came to our rescue, and gave us the ability to love rightly.
Romans 2:4 reminds us that God's lovingkindness leads us to repentance. God's impending wrath may drive us to repent out of sheer terror. But God desires our love more than our fear. His lovingkindness persists to win over our hearts with His gentle outstretched hand, as if trying to earn the trust of a skiddish animal. 2 Corrinthians 7:10 adds that "godly sorrow brings repentance." If you love someone then you don't want to hurt them. When they grieve, you grieve. Love always opens the door to potential heartache. God loves us enough to become vulnerable to how we feel about Him. He is jealous for us, like a husband is jealous for his wife and doesn't want to share her with another dude. God is so jealous for us that he doesn't want to share us with the idols and devils of this world. And He is so jealous for us that he doesn't want us to give ourselves over to death and hell. He wants to spend an eternity with us. When we practice sin, we are cheating on God and trampling on His heart and it shows that we don't really care about Him. But if we truly love Him, then our sin toward God should produce in us a godly sorrow. We will want to tell God we are sorry, because we truly are sorry. It will not be an obligatory sorrow, but a heartfelt sorrow that churns our stomachs. I hate hurting people that I love. I hate hurting God. It all comes back to love.
Honestly, I don't like to dwell on the wrathful side of God, but it's not going to go away. I know God's wrath is fueled by His just nature, but I think it is also tempered with His jealous love. The absence of love is indifference. God is not indifferent. Sometimes, anger is the posterity of love (not in an abusive sense). The people that I get mad at the most are the people that I love the most. They have exclusive access to my innermost parts and are most able to prick my heart. God is angered by our sin because of His jealous love for us. Our sin distances us from Him, and He wants us to draw nearer. The pinnacle of God's wrath is the removal of His presence, because in His presence is absolute goodness and felicity. When we speak of God's wrath we are not alluding to a hot-tempered God who constantly flies off the handle, but we are talking about a God who is longsuffering and is willing that none should perish. But if a person tells God to "get lost" enough times, then they will eventually get their wish and they will find themselves in a place devoid of beauty. The only reason there is good in this world is because God has not abandoned it. This is not a God-forsaken planet. . .it is a God-forsaking planet.
We will not fully appreciate heaven, until we realize hell. We will not fully appreciate grace, until we realize sin. Likewise, it is healthy and realistic to view God's kindness in contrast to His wrath. We could easily become like that little girl who thinks she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger. And if we're not careful, we could begin to see God as a big pushover who is easy to manipulate and take advantage of. But God is not so easily fooled. His love is not blind. And those who test the limits of His patience will find themselves falling over the edge. There is a side to love that is terrifying. Hell has no fury like a God scorned.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Online Love
Last week, a friend of mine asked what I thought about online dating. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening and said he was asking on behalf of someone else who was considering online dating. I was mildly suspicious, but I played along. And tried not to laugh.
I gave my gut reaction. I hadn't thought about it much before, because I never took the idea seriously. For me, online dating was always in the same category as Russian mail-order brides and Halo.
There are sins and there are bad ideas. I personally don't think online dating is a sin. But I always like to look at what's going on below the surface and examine the deeper issues. One of the deeper issues is convenience. Love is being corralled into the world of drive-thru coffee stands and instant popcorn and shiatsu massage chairs and Walmart. It's all about convenience. Putting yourself out there, taking a risk and pursuing someone in real life is just plain inconvenient. Waiting for that one right person to come along is also inconvenient. Leaving the house--inconvenient.
For the Christian, God's sovereignty is a major factor when it comes to finding "Mr. or Ms. Right." If there were no God, then it would be completely serendipitous. There would be no guarantee that we would ever find that soul-mate. But if a Christian believes that God has a plan for their life, then that includes their love life. Afterall, marrying someone is one of the most important decisions we'll ever make. God has a vested interest. We second-guess God when His time-line for us isn't the same as everyone else's time-line.
I'm not sure if there is only one "Mr. or Ms. Right" out there or if there are just a lot of "Mr. and Ms. Wrong's" to be avoided like landmines. The Bible doesn't really say, and in the Old Testament people had multiple wives, which is completely insane. I wonder how many wives 'smarty-pants' Solomon would've had if online dating existed back then. Anyway, the question "Is there only one right person out there for me?" spills into the subject of predestination and God's foreknowledge, which is all too erudite for this blog. As for me, I continue to pray that God's will would overrule mine when it comes to love, because He has a good plan and He knows best. And I have made Him Lord over my life, which includes my love life. I'm not advocating passivity, but trust. I trust God because I know He loves me. My parents want what's best for me and so does my heavenly Father. Often, I don't know what's best for me. Often, I don't know what I should be looking for. So, I trust and obey, knowing that every step of obedience will eventually lead me to a crossroad where love will be waiting as if it had been there all along. To be fair, I must say that if God is sovereign, then He could use whatever means in order to bring two people together, including online dating. It just seems more forced and impatient, but that is only my opinion.
Which brings me to the next issue--control. Most of the time, my computer obeys me pretty well. It's very humble. It's a Christian computer. Anyway, I feel like I'm in control when I'm on my computer. I can only imagine that online dating invokes a similar sensation. And yet love is such a wildly unpredictable force. It defies boxes and cages. The love of another cannot be controlled. That's why God gave us a freewill. If we had no choice, then we could not choose to love Him. Online dating appears to force love into a controlled-environment. I looked at Match.com to get a feel for it's interworkings. The whole process appeals to our desire for control. Online dating allows people to browse from a safe-distance without giving up any control. And they can control who is readily available by checking boxes about what kind of person they want to date. It promises life-long love in 6 months or less. In that case, love could fit into our dayplanner. Yes, we like control.
Glamour Magazine said this about Match.com: "It's like Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors: blondes, redheads, Egyptians and probably a set of Siamese twins if you were to search long enough." This statement says it all. It borders on the pornographic. Pornography also capitalizes on the desire for control. Perhaps, online sex is the extreme of online dating.
I do wonder if some of us are trying to find perfect love in this world, putting people in the place of God. Expecting another human to be my Savior is expecting a lot. Online dating seems to promise perfect love. People will be let down when they find out that love is not convenient. What happens when virtual reality crashes into reality? Online daters will be wrecked when they find out that the person they fell in love with through online chatting doesn't really exist. Perfect love doesn't exist in this world. God is that love, which we crave. Will that supernova of truth ever set us free?
I gave my gut reaction. I hadn't thought about it much before, because I never took the idea seriously. For me, online dating was always in the same category as Russian mail-order brides and Halo.
There are sins and there are bad ideas. I personally don't think online dating is a sin. But I always like to look at what's going on below the surface and examine the deeper issues. One of the deeper issues is convenience. Love is being corralled into the world of drive-thru coffee stands and instant popcorn and shiatsu massage chairs and Walmart. It's all about convenience. Putting yourself out there, taking a risk and pursuing someone in real life is just plain inconvenient. Waiting for that one right person to come along is also inconvenient. Leaving the house--inconvenient.
For the Christian, God's sovereignty is a major factor when it comes to finding "Mr. or Ms. Right." If there were no God, then it would be completely serendipitous. There would be no guarantee that we would ever find that soul-mate. But if a Christian believes that God has a plan for their life, then that includes their love life. Afterall, marrying someone is one of the most important decisions we'll ever make. God has a vested interest. We second-guess God when His time-line for us isn't the same as everyone else's time-line.
I'm not sure if there is only one "Mr. or Ms. Right" out there or if there are just a lot of "Mr. and Ms. Wrong's" to be avoided like landmines. The Bible doesn't really say, and in the Old Testament people had multiple wives, which is completely insane. I wonder how many wives 'smarty-pants' Solomon would've had if online dating existed back then. Anyway, the question "Is there only one right person out there for me?" spills into the subject of predestination and God's foreknowledge, which is all too erudite for this blog. As for me, I continue to pray that God's will would overrule mine when it comes to love, because He has a good plan and He knows best. And I have made Him Lord over my life, which includes my love life. I'm not advocating passivity, but trust. I trust God because I know He loves me. My parents want what's best for me and so does my heavenly Father. Often, I don't know what's best for me. Often, I don't know what I should be looking for. So, I trust and obey, knowing that every step of obedience will eventually lead me to a crossroad where love will be waiting as if it had been there all along. To be fair, I must say that if God is sovereign, then He could use whatever means in order to bring two people together, including online dating. It just seems more forced and impatient, but that is only my opinion.
Which brings me to the next issue--control. Most of the time, my computer obeys me pretty well. It's very humble. It's a Christian computer. Anyway, I feel like I'm in control when I'm on my computer. I can only imagine that online dating invokes a similar sensation. And yet love is such a wildly unpredictable force. It defies boxes and cages. The love of another cannot be controlled. That's why God gave us a freewill. If we had no choice, then we could not choose to love Him. Online dating appears to force love into a controlled-environment. I looked at Match.com to get a feel for it's interworkings. The whole process appeals to our desire for control. Online dating allows people to browse from a safe-distance without giving up any control. And they can control who is readily available by checking boxes about what kind of person they want to date. It promises life-long love in 6 months or less. In that case, love could fit into our dayplanner. Yes, we like control.
Glamour Magazine said this about Match.com: "It's like Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors: blondes, redheads, Egyptians and probably a set of Siamese twins if you were to search long enough." This statement says it all. It borders on the pornographic. Pornography also capitalizes on the desire for control. Perhaps, online sex is the extreme of online dating.
I do wonder if some of us are trying to find perfect love in this world, putting people in the place of God. Expecting another human to be my Savior is expecting a lot. Online dating seems to promise perfect love. People will be let down when they find out that love is not convenient. What happens when virtual reality crashes into reality? Online daters will be wrecked when they find out that the person they fell in love with through online chatting doesn't really exist. Perfect love doesn't exist in this world. God is that love, which we crave. Will that supernova of truth ever set us free?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Love and His Evil Twin
I despise unmarked roads. This morning I drove to Woodburn in order to appear in traffic court for a speeding ticket. I had some directions, but then I came to an unmarked intersection. I had a feeling I was supposed to turn onto the unidentified street, so I did. But I wasn't sure I was going the right direction, until I was already miles down the road.
In this thing called life, there are many unmarked roads. Sometimes I don't know if I'm on Love Rd. or not. The Bible gives us some general directions, but I'm terrible with directions and get lost very easily. I need clearly marked signs. We seem to have an internal GPS system which helps, but sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere.
I must admit, sometimes it seems cruel that God designed men with such a fast and furious sex drive and then told us to obey the rules of the road. For men, sex is like blood to a shark. Try convincing a shark to become a vegetarian for a season as bloody slabs of meat float by. I'm not making excuses, but it's not easy being a guy. Sometimes I hate being 'a guy.' And it would certainly help if society didn't flash us with sex symbols all day long. But the media gives people what they want and people want sex.
Speaking of sex, the phrase 'making love' doesn't even make sense. As if sex is going to make two people love each other more than they did before. If anything it should be called 'making up for love.' The phrase 'making love' reveals society's delusional version of love. Most romance films capitalize on this idea. On the silverscreen, if a delightful date doesn't end up in the bedroom, then we're surprised. Hollywood keeps putting out the same movie and it's called 'Love: Kinda, Sort Of, But Not Really.' Afterall, the best lies are the ones that are peppered with truth. But don't be fooled, it's love's evil twin-- lust. Lust cares nothing for the other person. It's only prerequisite is that the other person is slightly beautiful and breathing, and even the beautiful part is negotiable. For lust, romance is just a means to an end. Lust doesn't make love, it takes love. And it takes and it takes. But love gives. When love wants to take more than it wants to give, then it becomes lust. Lust is not always sexual. Sometimes we lust after people's time or attention or assistance, without any desire to give back.
With this in mind, it is important that we emphasize the generous nature of God. Sometimes, sermons concentrate too much on what God wants us to do for Him. We could easily begin to mistake His love for lust. But, the truth is, we can never outgive Him. He gives more than He takes. He is not a God of lust but a God of love.
What if we're here not to discover the meaning of life, but simply to identify what real love feels like? Different relationships and experiences seem to peel back the layers as time rolls on.
I realize that I will never fully understand God's love, but I am experiencing more of His love as I endeavor to understand it. For me, to love something is to continue to explore it. And as I explore it, I find new reasons to love it. Then, I want to explore it more and more, and on and on it goes. And so it is with God's love. I love His love, so my curiosity drives me onward. It's worth exploring. I may feel like it's taking me in a circle, but I think I am actually spiralling toward the heart of it. I appreciate people more as I get to know them. I've discovered that there is more to everyone than what's on the surface. People fascinate me. Everyone has wisdom to offer and I am learning to listen. Likewise, I appreciate God the more I know Him. He never ceases to surprise me. He invites us to taste of Him, knowing full well that we will bite off more than we can chew.
Most people don't like change. I do. Change inspires me. I know that God's love doesn't change, but my perception of His love is changing all the time. Growing and expanding. Growth is a sign of life. Some people fear that they've fallen out of love when the honeymoon feeling fades. But it's not fading as much as it's changing. Love that is alive undergoes metamorphosis. It adapts in order to go farther and higher and deeper. It's like happiness maturing into joy.
In this thing called life, there are many unmarked roads. Sometimes I don't know if I'm on Love Rd. or not. The Bible gives us some general directions, but I'm terrible with directions and get lost very easily. I need clearly marked signs. We seem to have an internal GPS system which helps, but sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere.
I must admit, sometimes it seems cruel that God designed men with such a fast and furious sex drive and then told us to obey the rules of the road. For men, sex is like blood to a shark. Try convincing a shark to become a vegetarian for a season as bloody slabs of meat float by. I'm not making excuses, but it's not easy being a guy. Sometimes I hate being 'a guy.' And it would certainly help if society didn't flash us with sex symbols all day long. But the media gives people what they want and people want sex.
Speaking of sex, the phrase 'making love' doesn't even make sense. As if sex is going to make two people love each other more than they did before. If anything it should be called 'making up for love.' The phrase 'making love' reveals society's delusional version of love. Most romance films capitalize on this idea. On the silverscreen, if a delightful date doesn't end up in the bedroom, then we're surprised. Hollywood keeps putting out the same movie and it's called 'Love: Kinda, Sort Of, But Not Really.' Afterall, the best lies are the ones that are peppered with truth. But don't be fooled, it's love's evil twin-- lust. Lust cares nothing for the other person. It's only prerequisite is that the other person is slightly beautiful and breathing, and even the beautiful part is negotiable. For lust, romance is just a means to an end. Lust doesn't make love, it takes love. And it takes and it takes. But love gives. When love wants to take more than it wants to give, then it becomes lust. Lust is not always sexual. Sometimes we lust after people's time or attention or assistance, without any desire to give back.
With this in mind, it is important that we emphasize the generous nature of God. Sometimes, sermons concentrate too much on what God wants us to do for Him. We could easily begin to mistake His love for lust. But, the truth is, we can never outgive Him. He gives more than He takes. He is not a God of lust but a God of love.
What if we're here not to discover the meaning of life, but simply to identify what real love feels like? Different relationships and experiences seem to peel back the layers as time rolls on.
I realize that I will never fully understand God's love, but I am experiencing more of His love as I endeavor to understand it. For me, to love something is to continue to explore it. And as I explore it, I find new reasons to love it. Then, I want to explore it more and more, and on and on it goes. And so it is with God's love. I love His love, so my curiosity drives me onward. It's worth exploring. I may feel like it's taking me in a circle, but I think I am actually spiralling toward the heart of it. I appreciate people more as I get to know them. I've discovered that there is more to everyone than what's on the surface. People fascinate me. Everyone has wisdom to offer and I am learning to listen. Likewise, I appreciate God the more I know Him. He never ceases to surprise me. He invites us to taste of Him, knowing full well that we will bite off more than we can chew.
Most people don't like change. I do. Change inspires me. I know that God's love doesn't change, but my perception of His love is changing all the time. Growing and expanding. Growth is a sign of life. Some people fear that they've fallen out of love when the honeymoon feeling fades. But it's not fading as much as it's changing. Love that is alive undergoes metamorphosis. It adapts in order to go farther and higher and deeper. It's like happiness maturing into joy.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Falling In Love At 10,000 ft.
Statistics show that dating couples are more likely to fall in love if they do something fun. I think it's because the thrilling experience releases happy brain chemicals and then we associate those chemicals with the person we had fun with and then we want to hang out with them more and then we get bored so we start kissing. But I think real love is more than a happy chemical.
Some people spend the rest of their life trying to rediscover a feeling that they mistook for love the first time. If I wanted to trick someone into falling in love with me, then I would take them skydiving. I've never been skydiving but I'm sure it would do more than put twitterpated butterflies in someone's stomach. I could even serenade them with a guitar on the way down. That would give new meaning to 'falling' in love.
But realistically, I want to find someone who I can do anything or nothing with and still be delighted, because I enjoy them. I don't want our relationship to be based on a past adrenalline rush, because once that experience is gone we will be left staring at each other and hoping that we have something more in common. And I don't want to someday find myself waking up next to a stranger.
Love is often portrayed as something that happens to us. Like Cupid. Sometimes that pudgy little angel shoots people in the butt with an arrow and they can't help but fall in love. They have no choice, it's Cupid's fault. Or so they say. The idea is that love finds us. But I don't like this idea because it means that we are simply victimized by love. Love comes and goes and we can't do anything about it. So, we are not held responsible. On the contrary, I do believe that we have a freewill and that we have a choice when it comes to falling in love. I don't believe that we can choose to fall in love with anybody. I've tried and it doesn't work. But I believe that when the opportunity to 'fall in love' presents itself, then we have a choice to step over the edge or back away. Once we step over the edge it becomes more difficult to slow the acceleration process. And if it doesn't work out, then hopefully we had thought about it and strapped on a parachute before we jumped.
I've also heard it said that love is a commitment. That sounds noble upon first hearing until you actually think about it. Then you realize that the statement plants both feet in the same realm as heartless religion. Religion commits to following procedure, but cares nothing for God. 'Love is a commitment' might be true if it is mixed with some other things. And when all else fails then perhaps commitment will be the only thing holding a relationship together. But only by a thread. I think when a relationship reaches that point then it's not time to shrug and take a nap. It's time to fight for the pulse of love.
Some married people seem to value the commitment more than the person they are commited to. That saddens me. It saddens me that a sweetheart could be reduced to being a lifelong ball and chain. To be fair, this is all easy for me to say since I'm not married. But often it is easy to think more clearly when you are outside of a situation, rather than when you're in the eye of the storm. And perhaps someday, when I am married, I will come back and read this blog to remind myself that love is worth rescuing. Maybe, love is a commitment to fight for love. Getting warmer.
I saw a sign in front of a church that quoted Jesus as saying "If you love me then keep my commandments." That is a sobering thought. And yet someone could try to keep the commandments without loving Jesus. He didn't say that love IS keeping my commandments, but that IF we love Him, then we are to keep His commandments. That is very big difference and a very big IF. It begins with love. Love can be confirmed by compliance. Commitment is a sort of mutual compliance. But once again, compliance itself doesn't complete the picture of love. Afterall, God is love, He loves us and yet far be it from Him to obey our commands.
On a similar note, in the infamous John 3:16 passage, it says that "God so loved the world THAT He gave His one and only Son." Notice how it all started with love. The giving was both compelled and completed by a pre-existing love. Now, if God had not offered anything to redeem mankind, then it would be difficult to believe that He loved us. What good parent upon seeing their child drowning wouldn't jump in without a second thought? Even if it was the child's fault? Even if it was dangerous for the parent? Love that is not demonstrated is worthless to the one who is loved. And God's love is stronger that an earthly parent's love. To be quite clear, God didn't have to offer His Son, and He still would've been good and just. But He did so because He so loved. His love was not created but confirmed in the giving. He had a choice, but irrational love made up His mind.
Some people spend the rest of their life trying to rediscover a feeling that they mistook for love the first time. If I wanted to trick someone into falling in love with me, then I would take them skydiving. I've never been skydiving but I'm sure it would do more than put twitterpated butterflies in someone's stomach. I could even serenade them with a guitar on the way down. That would give new meaning to 'falling' in love.
But realistically, I want to find someone who I can do anything or nothing with and still be delighted, because I enjoy them. I don't want our relationship to be based on a past adrenalline rush, because once that experience is gone we will be left staring at each other and hoping that we have something more in common. And I don't want to someday find myself waking up next to a stranger.
Love is often portrayed as something that happens to us. Like Cupid. Sometimes that pudgy little angel shoots people in the butt with an arrow and they can't help but fall in love. They have no choice, it's Cupid's fault. Or so they say. The idea is that love finds us. But I don't like this idea because it means that we are simply victimized by love. Love comes and goes and we can't do anything about it. So, we are not held responsible. On the contrary, I do believe that we have a freewill and that we have a choice when it comes to falling in love. I don't believe that we can choose to fall in love with anybody. I've tried and it doesn't work. But I believe that when the opportunity to 'fall in love' presents itself, then we have a choice to step over the edge or back away. Once we step over the edge it becomes more difficult to slow the acceleration process. And if it doesn't work out, then hopefully we had thought about it and strapped on a parachute before we jumped.
I've also heard it said that love is a commitment. That sounds noble upon first hearing until you actually think about it. Then you realize that the statement plants both feet in the same realm as heartless religion. Religion commits to following procedure, but cares nothing for God. 'Love is a commitment' might be true if it is mixed with some other things. And when all else fails then perhaps commitment will be the only thing holding a relationship together. But only by a thread. I think when a relationship reaches that point then it's not time to shrug and take a nap. It's time to fight for the pulse of love.
Some married people seem to value the commitment more than the person they are commited to. That saddens me. It saddens me that a sweetheart could be reduced to being a lifelong ball and chain. To be fair, this is all easy for me to say since I'm not married. But often it is easy to think more clearly when you are outside of a situation, rather than when you're in the eye of the storm. And perhaps someday, when I am married, I will come back and read this blog to remind myself that love is worth rescuing. Maybe, love is a commitment to fight for love. Getting warmer.
I saw a sign in front of a church that quoted Jesus as saying "If you love me then keep my commandments." That is a sobering thought. And yet someone could try to keep the commandments without loving Jesus. He didn't say that love IS keeping my commandments, but that IF we love Him, then we are to keep His commandments. That is very big difference and a very big IF. It begins with love. Love can be confirmed by compliance. Commitment is a sort of mutual compliance. But once again, compliance itself doesn't complete the picture of love. Afterall, God is love, He loves us and yet far be it from Him to obey our commands.
On a similar note, in the infamous John 3:16 passage, it says that "God so loved the world THAT He gave His one and only Son." Notice how it all started with love. The giving was both compelled and completed by a pre-existing love. Now, if God had not offered anything to redeem mankind, then it would be difficult to believe that He loved us. What good parent upon seeing their child drowning wouldn't jump in without a second thought? Even if it was the child's fault? Even if it was dangerous for the parent? Love that is not demonstrated is worthless to the one who is loved. And God's love is stronger that an earthly parent's love. To be quite clear, God didn't have to offer His Son, and He still would've been good and just. But He did so because He so loved. His love was not created but confirmed in the giving. He had a choice, but irrational love made up His mind.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Math and Love and Stuff
I was blogging about love at Red Horse Coffee Shop. A man from church walked by the window, smiling and waving at me. He paused, retraced his footsteps, walked in and said "Can I ask you a question?" He began to choke up. "How do I know that God loves me specifically?"
It is a question that most of us find ourselves asking from time to time.
The Bible screams that God loves us all. We hear of his immense, vast love and yet there is a part of us that wonders if we haven't fallen through the cracks. We question 'Does He really love me?' What's more. . .'Does He like me?' We sing songs about it, if only to remind ourselves. But sometimes His love seems obligatory. As if He only loves me because He loves everyone and so it would be rude to leave me out.
There are many things about myself that my family and friends probably don't know. Not dark secrets, just little stuff. I fake lots of smiles and laughs, but most are genuine. I don't really like wearing clothes and wish Adam and Eve hadn't sinned for that reason alone. I occasionally talk to myself and cus at my computer. I always think my fly is down no matter how many times I check it. I look in the mirror everyday and still see a stranger and wonder if maybe I'm the one whose in the mirror, while the real person is on the other side. I feel like I might be insane, so I try to keep my myself on a short leash. Or I fear that I might be mentally retarded and that everyone knows it but me. Those are things that you don't want to say on a first date or at a job interview. Truth be told, there are many things about myself that I'm still discovering. My identity crisis is ongoing, it's been going on for awhile so it's not really a crisis anymore.
But God knows me completely already. The good, the bad, and the crazy. He even knows who I'll become. We sometimes slip into a vacant room and close the door to breathe a breath of privacy. But God is everywhere and sees everything. Nobody spends more time with us than God. So, His view of me matters more than any other. When I feel cheap and disposable, I wonder if God regrets making me and if there is something else He'd rather be doing than hanging out with me. Sometimes, I hang out with people who are better than me and I feel like an awkward nuisance. God is way better than me. And yet apparently He enjoys my company.
I do question our understanding of God's unconditional love. It is usually portrayed as a love that is indifferent to who we are. But is that really love? If that is the case, then why should I feel valued? Love that cares nothing for individuality seems meaningless. C.S. Lewis pointed out that it would be silly for someone to say "I love you disinterestedly."
In one sense, a parent unconditionally loves their child. Meaning, if the child does something that is otherwise unloveable, then that parent with still love that child. Even if the parent has nothing to gain in the exchange. And yet, that parent wouldn't love someone else's child with that same kind of love. So, it is a love that is unique to their own child. In other words, it is conditioned on the parent's relationship to the child. Furthermore, most parents will say that they love each of their children equally and yet their love for each one is not exactly the same. Each child has different personalities and talents and experiences, which a good parent notices and prizes. In short, they have a different relationship with each child. And their love for each one is unique. Could this be true of the love of God the Father? I think so.
His love for each one of us is not indifferent to who we are. It is predicated on the fact that He is our God and we all bear His image. And yet it is unique to our individual relationships with Him. As Christians, we are all His children, but my relationship with God is different than yours. Noone else has the special bond that God and I have. There is no else like me and there is certainly no one like Him. We share a unique love. True, He loves everyone equally, and yet He loves me specially. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows how many hairs are on my head. I don't even know that, I don't even want to know that, but God knows that. To Him, I am not a faceless cliche, but a meaningful masterpiece full of treasured nuances.
In Luke 15, God is described as a shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the one lost sheep. This tells of an individualized love. To God, each individual is as precious as the other 99. This doesn't work out mathematically. It is a supernatural love that defies the laws of this world. Jesus was someone who reached out to people on a one-on-one basis. Think about the man who was possessed by a legion of demons. Jesus crossed the Sea of Galilee just to help him alone. Just one face in a crowded world, and yet Jesus thought he was worth the trip. Jesus was constantly interupted by individuals, but He didn't see them as a waste of time whatsoever. Even when He felt exhausted, He still gave each individual His undivided attention. As Jesus suffocated on the cross, He singled out the thief nearby and saved him. To Jesus, every single soul was a soul worth saving. The Apostle John described himself as 'the one whom Jesus loved.' I like that. He understood that Jesus's love for him was distinct. And who am I? I am also ' the one' whom Jesus loves. And so are you. We are all His favorite. God's love would flunk a math test.
It is a question that most of us find ourselves asking from time to time.
The Bible screams that God loves us all. We hear of his immense, vast love and yet there is a part of us that wonders if we haven't fallen through the cracks. We question 'Does He really love me?' What's more. . .'Does He like me?' We sing songs about it, if only to remind ourselves. But sometimes His love seems obligatory. As if He only loves me because He loves everyone and so it would be rude to leave me out.
There are many things about myself that my family and friends probably don't know. Not dark secrets, just little stuff. I fake lots of smiles and laughs, but most are genuine. I don't really like wearing clothes and wish Adam and Eve hadn't sinned for that reason alone. I occasionally talk to myself and cus at my computer. I always think my fly is down no matter how many times I check it. I look in the mirror everyday and still see a stranger and wonder if maybe I'm the one whose in the mirror, while the real person is on the other side. I feel like I might be insane, so I try to keep my myself on a short leash. Or I fear that I might be mentally retarded and that everyone knows it but me. Those are things that you don't want to say on a first date or at a job interview. Truth be told, there are many things about myself that I'm still discovering. My identity crisis is ongoing, it's been going on for awhile so it's not really a crisis anymore.
But God knows me completely already. The good, the bad, and the crazy. He even knows who I'll become. We sometimes slip into a vacant room and close the door to breathe a breath of privacy. But God is everywhere and sees everything. Nobody spends more time with us than God. So, His view of me matters more than any other. When I feel cheap and disposable, I wonder if God regrets making me and if there is something else He'd rather be doing than hanging out with me. Sometimes, I hang out with people who are better than me and I feel like an awkward nuisance. God is way better than me. And yet apparently He enjoys my company.
I do question our understanding of God's unconditional love. It is usually portrayed as a love that is indifferent to who we are. But is that really love? If that is the case, then why should I feel valued? Love that cares nothing for individuality seems meaningless. C.S. Lewis pointed out that it would be silly for someone to say "I love you disinterestedly."
In one sense, a parent unconditionally loves their child. Meaning, if the child does something that is otherwise unloveable, then that parent with still love that child. Even if the parent has nothing to gain in the exchange. And yet, that parent wouldn't love someone else's child with that same kind of love. So, it is a love that is unique to their own child. In other words, it is conditioned on the parent's relationship to the child. Furthermore, most parents will say that they love each of their children equally and yet their love for each one is not exactly the same. Each child has different personalities and talents and experiences, which a good parent notices and prizes. In short, they have a different relationship with each child. And their love for each one is unique. Could this be true of the love of God the Father? I think so.
His love for each one of us is not indifferent to who we are. It is predicated on the fact that He is our God and we all bear His image. And yet it is unique to our individual relationships with Him. As Christians, we are all His children, but my relationship with God is different than yours. Noone else has the special bond that God and I have. There is no else like me and there is certainly no one like Him. We share a unique love. True, He loves everyone equally, and yet He loves me specially. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows how many hairs are on my head. I don't even know that, I don't even want to know that, but God knows that. To Him, I am not a faceless cliche, but a meaningful masterpiece full of treasured nuances.
In Luke 15, God is described as a shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the one lost sheep. This tells of an individualized love. To God, each individual is as precious as the other 99. This doesn't work out mathematically. It is a supernatural love that defies the laws of this world. Jesus was someone who reached out to people on a one-on-one basis. Think about the man who was possessed by a legion of demons. Jesus crossed the Sea of Galilee just to help him alone. Just one face in a crowded world, and yet Jesus thought he was worth the trip. Jesus was constantly interupted by individuals, but He didn't see them as a waste of time whatsoever. Even when He felt exhausted, He still gave each individual His undivided attention. As Jesus suffocated on the cross, He singled out the thief nearby and saved him. To Jesus, every single soul was a soul worth saving. The Apostle John described himself as 'the one whom Jesus loved.' I like that. He understood that Jesus's love for him was distinct. And who am I? I am also ' the one' whom Jesus loves. And so are you. We are all His favorite. God's love would flunk a math test.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
