Our generation's version of love is broken. The well is poisoned and we all keep drinking from it. When something like marriage is working less than half the time, it is in need of more than minor adjustments. As a culture, this calls for a massive, messy gutting. This calls for a complete reprogramming in the way we understand love and relationships. If we stubbornly keep venturing farther down the same road then we are going to get the same results, it'll just get worse.
It's odd to me that most married couples seem to gauge the success of their marriage simply based on how many years they've been married. Each anniversary is another gold star. If they've been married 30 years, then it's considered a success by most standards and everybody claps. But to us singles, it always sounds like they're riding a mechanical bull, and that it's all about how long you can stay on. Apparently, you're supposed to get married and then just hang on for dear life as you're whipped around and whoever stays on the longest wins. At least that's the impression I'm left with. And when that's my impression, it makes me wonder if I really want all that added turbulence in my life, it sounds nauseating. Afterall, marriage is not a command, it is an option according to the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7. Some people portray marriage as if it is a trial that you volunteer for. They speak of marriage as if it is God's instrument of torture to make you a better person. However, I'm not convinced that that was God's intent. If that's the case then it seems like some sort of nasty prank. I always thought it was supposed to be a blessing. Nevertheless, life presents plenty of character-building trials whether or not you're married.
I wonder if marriages are failing because many are unclear about the point of marriage. If we don't know the vision, then we don't know the goal, and we have no reference for success. And at that point, we reduce marital accomplishment to the number of years a couple stays married. Once again, we only consider a marriage to be a failure if divorce happens. And again, that criteria seems funny to me because we wouldn't evaluate the excellence of someone's life simply based on how long they managed to stay alive. To be fair, relationships are difficult to assess on paper. We like our numeric systems. And so we measure relationships using years as a unit. That way we can put in into Excel and add it up and graph it.
Be that as it may, this brings me back to my initial question: What is the point of marriage? I have some thoughts of my own, but I want to leave it up for discussion. . .what do you think? Is it to help us understand Jesus's love and commitment toward the church? Is it to help us serve God better? Is the point to have sex and "be fruitful and multiply?" Is it to make us happy? Is it a self-improvement method? Is there something else to it? In addition to my first question, what do you think God deems as a good marriage?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I was hoping to read some comments - darn! I don't know the answer. I once thought I did. I know that I've grown a lot in ways I wouldn't have if I'd stayed single. I also agree that getting married & staying married isn't enough of a goal to make it worth while. I'd hoped for a continually deepening friendship, but honestly we've just been trying to survive a bunch of hurts (past & present). I'm reassured that prayer & time will bring me to the fruit of my investment, but it's a lot of work, love, patience... I do adhere to what I always believed - you have to be able to stay friends first & foremost because all the good feelings you have when you fall in-love are only kindling. If you don't have something more to sustain it the fire will not only die, it won't survive the rain... oh... FORGIVENESS... If you ever thought you were a forgiving person, you really find out about forgiving in a marriage. So I think it's wonderful to explore the purpose (and know what you believe) before getting married. I believe that marriage is a good & blessed choice if made with the right intentions, but it isn't for the faint-hearted. Definitely a good example of not being able to sit on the fence - you'll get chewed up & spit out!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to leave all the intricate, complicated reasons to God and try to keep it simple. I'm young, but I've seen more than my fair share of bad marriages. But my attitude about it manages to remain the same because of my hopefully-romantic attitude. I think marriage should be like a little glimpse of heaven: He gives you a life partner He MADE for YOU and then you don't have to live this earthly life alone after saying "I do." Sure, you'll fight and cry and laugh, but that LIVING, not just ticking down time. When marriage is right, I think it's the highest blessing He can give us. To become one, to see half of yourself and half or your soulmate in your children is something I'd wait forever for if I had to. Because our world is pretty dang messed up it's hard to hang on to values, but when it's something as special as marriage, the value never decreases no matter what the circumstances.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the point of marriage?
ReplyDeleteThe short answer is: "It is not good for man to be alone." So God created a perfectly suited partner. That partner was taken from him and only by being joined together in marriage can one truly feel whole. (That is unless a person is gifted with the gift of singleness)
What does God consider a good marriage to be? A good marriage is one where the two have been joined; body and soul and selflessly give to one another as God gives them strength to do so.
Why do marriages fail? Selfishness.
Love is the benefit of another at the cost of self. Lust is the benefit of self at the cost of another. If love does not cost you dearly then it's not love.
Marriage is God's greatest analogy of His love for us. It is also His greatest tool to shape us into His image. Does it hurt sometimes? Yep. Does it hurt a lot? Yep. Is it worth it? A million times yes! Does it feel like a victory every time you can celebrate another anniversary? It sure does! And it's worth celebrating.
Warning! Marriage is not for the feint of heart but the bold and selfLESS shall find great pleasure in it.
Marriage is awesome. Perhaps it's because I'm married to a truly wonderful woman. I'm not just saying that because that's what married men are supposed to say. I really truly am deeply grateful each and every day that I have with my wife. I love being married so much that I wish with all my heart that everyone could be married and my heart is sad when I see lonely people who so badly want to be married but are not.
I think that a marriage is supposed to be all of those things. Where a problem arises is when people come in to a marriage thinking that there will be "suffering". Marriage is SUPPOSED to be beautiful, even if it's an arranged marriage. We as believers of Christ I think can come in with some fear into marriage, but either way know that God has a wonderful purpose through the marriage. I believe that marriage is to put our spiritural gifts together to do something great for God that we could not do on our own (and to raise up warriors for Him as well, children). I also believe that in situations where God did not intend for the marriage to happen that He will bless and fix it for His goodness when they realize the marriage wasn't blessed by Him. This kind of answers your question of what God deems as a good marriage. I think He thinks a good marriage is one that is sovereignly directed by Him (and us using our free will to agree with His sovereignty); a marriage faithful and selfless -like His Son. All of it to see the beauty of Christ and His love; a taste of our wonderful eternity..
ReplyDeleteTo answer your last question: what do you think God deems as a good marriage?
ReplyDeleteThe phrase I say in my head a lot is, "Partnership with Purpose." I have tried writing it out, but it always ends up being long and discombobulated. Not that God wants or needs us to have a works based marriage to deem it as "good," but based off of how this generation often views marriage, I think a lot of us (especially as Christians) would benefit on filtering the prospect of marriage in that way. Then the marriage is more apt to become about God as oppose to getting your own needs met. There's a bigger chance that you view this short life in terms of the big picture of serving Christ as oppose to dwelling and mulling on, "how does this person make me feel."
But then again, I need to point out the caveat that we should never just blindly marry someone just because we think that we could end poverty together...there must be some level of Chemistry and desire...
...You know like...you should probably think your partner is smokin' hot. (-;
I think first and foremost, the purpose God created for marriage is one of the first things God ever spoke about mankind: "And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." It isn't good to be alone! In His goodness, it is so we won't be alone. So we have help. So we have love. :)
ReplyDeleteGod said this even when man was perfect and sinless and walked with God daily in the garden--how great is that?! :) He gives us this gift so we can walk together in life as one. So we can help each other, and we can walk in this life together, in love, in support, and work the purpose God has written for our life together. Marriage is a blessing. It's a gift. Out of this, and because of this, we are fruitful and multiply, both spiritually and physically.
I think there are many benefits and purposes, and not only one. It is a picture of Christ and the Church...both His love and commitment and ours. We do get our characters worked on in this fallen world in marriage, but like you said, we get this worked on whether married or not. We are a selfish people that are continually growing from glory to glory, being made daily into God's image.
Marriage is good. Very good. God said so! I think a good marriage is both quality and quantity together for the time on earth we are given. I think a good marriage is committed like Christ and the Church. I think it is good when and as we learn to love as Christ loves, as we learn to humble ourselves and serve each other. I think a good marriage is one in which it is valued as a gift, and when we are grateful. I think a good marriage brings forth good fruit and multiplies.
Hmmmmmmmm. You know how Pastor Rob says sometimes it is better to just hold your tounge and just respond with a Hmmmmmmmm?
ReplyDeleteMore later from the guy who has been married for 21 years.
I find all of these comments interesting; I agree with most of the things said about what can happen in marriage or result from marriage but have to say in answer to the question "what is the point of marriage?", for me it boils down simply to this...to give God glory. That may sound like I am being too spiritual but it is the truth. We were created for companionship with God and as His creation and we are to give Him glory in everything we say and do. My husband and I laugh about how he proposed to me and he gets embarrassed about it but it is actually reality. He asked me if I would be his helpmate and that is what we have truly become; each others helpmate. We compliment each other in our giftings and personalities, we have grown to be more like each other over the years and have individual things that we have become stronger in within ourselves. Marriage hasn't always been easy, we have had mountain tops and valleys but hopefully, we are growing closer to God with each day and in that giving Him glory with what our marriage produces. At this point, it has brought us over 34 years of marriage, 3 children, 4 grandchildren and many adventures that are hopefully touching others around the world to want to live for God and bring Him glory with their lives and life choices.
ReplyDeleteMy husbands answer to your question:
"Ryan, you are over-thinking it!"
Thank you for writing this blog. I've been in a tough married that started bad on our wedding day 16 years ago. Not saying that for pity, I'm just pretty honest. So many things you said resonated with me, as I feel the way I was "courted" was an attempt to get me emotionally attached to him as quick as possible, so I wouldn't back out. I never felt like my future, my goals, thoughts, opinions, whatever were of any concern. I was something to be obtained.
ReplyDeleteI'm so encouraged to see a man out there who actually *thinks* about the ramifications for both the man and the woman. I love it! You are right to ask these questions, and I pray God will bless you for it. Keep writing, this was an excellent post!
So I know that this is an old post. But I came across it today and started thinking. This question intrigued me: what is the point? I asked that question myself awhile ago and so I wanted to tell you a story that gave me peace. It’s not an answer. I think everyone has to come to an answer with God by themselves. I can’t honestly say what the whole intention of marriage is, and I’m not married, but here is something to think about.:)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a little girl, my parents would take our family once a year up to a little Christmas shop in Lincoln City. You probably know which one it is. It was filled with sparkling lights, and as soon as you walked in there was a soft scent of cinnamon candles. Carols played in the background. And each shelf was adorned with so many sparkling pieces of gold and berry colored and silver ornaments that the whole shop glittered softly like a glass of champagne. There was something really special about that place. It felt hopeful, but it caused you to hold your breath too. It had a sense of majesty, and yet it was still fragile.
I hope this is making sense, but I think that marriage is supposed to be like that little shop. What is the point of anything beautiful? I mean, a strain of real music can stop, poetry can be misunderstood, a sunset can come and go without anyone watching it, a glass ornament can break, a marriage can fail. Real beauty speaks to our hearts and draws us in, but we are all afraid of it because there is something breakable about it. I think that that is because if we could find something beautiful that was solid enough to place all of our trust in then we would depend on it instead of on the Lord. Beauty is supposed to be a reflection that draws us to Him but that never takes His place. That little Christmas shop always made me wonder again at the glory of Christ and His birth, but of course it could never be the stable He was lying in. It just drew me to Him by the reflection it was of Him. It was a gloria but it was not the manger if that makes sense.
I think that a good marriage is meant to reflect the love of Christ to His church, of the church to her Beloved. It leaves a sense of hope, it is full of beautiful treasures and it has a cinnamon fragrance. But its still fragile. I think God calls His people to cultivate beauty including in marriage, a beauty that draws the world just a little bit closer to Him, but because all love however beautiful except for His own is delicate, we are called to walk in marriage with a lot of honor, and a lot of carefulness. I think the reason that some marriages don’t work out is because we forget the awe of it, the walking softly. But then again, there’s even hope in that. Since I'm going with the whole Christmas shop thing , that little shop was broken into and the ornaments and windows smashed through once when I was in high school. But its still up and thriving again now.
Sorry this is kind of long but I think that what you were really asking is not what is the point of marriage but is it worth the risk? That’s something everyone has to answer for themselves, but in the light of God’s glory, I kind of think yes.:)