Valentine's Day is almost here. Alas, I don't have a Valentine. But don't worry, this isn't going to be a "poor me" sort of blog. The truth is that I've never liked Valentine's Day, even when I've had a girlfriend to celebrate it with. It always brings with it so much commercialization and pressure and competition and letdown. I'm not sure I understand the point of it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for romance, but why do we need a holiday to exploit it? Must we profane the sanctuary of the heart with cheap novelties? Do I sound bitter? I'm really not. Hmm, I just realized that I feel the same way during Valentine's Day as I feel at a wedding. I don't feel jealous or depressed or anything like that, I just feel cornered and interrogated. I ask myself many merciless questions like: Ryan, why are you single? After all, singleness really is a choice. I could be with somebody if I really wanted to be. That's not prideful, all of us choose singleness one way or another. Some of us are holding out for the best, some of us have been hurt too much by past relationships, some of us really enjoy our liberty, some of us are too scared to put ourselves out there. At times like this, I also question what exactly I'm looking for.
At the risk of sounding overly quixotic, I'm looking for a girl that causes me to stop looking altogether. I'm looking for a love that carries our hearts to new heavens. I'm looking for that delicate hand that fits so perfectly in mine, as if it was there all along. I want to love someone completely, so as to gladly exile myself into the silk of her eyes. I hope that each kiss will unlock a deeper yearning to be closer and closer still. I want a love that will never stop laughing and singing in the face of life's brooding tempest. I want an immortal love. Is all of this too much to ask? Am I a fool to suffer such high hopes? I hope not. If none of this is possible then I'd rather not love at all, for it has nothing more to offer. And yet, I choose to believe in many things that are foolish. I do believe in love. A married man might say that I don't know anything about love. But I'm not convinced that married people are experts on love just because they're married. Look at all the marriage counseling, not to mention the divorces. Let's face it, nobody has love figured out. As for me, I choose to believe in a love that defies the odds. A love that abides at the threshold of heaven and earth. I choose to believe in a love that unveils a much better world. Not a love with an expiration date. Of course, God agrees with me on all of this. Or I agree with God. Either way, we're both right. Anyway, I guess, Jesus will be my only Valentine this year. Sorry, too bad, I asked Him first.
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