How Do You Know When You're In Love?

Our lives don't come with instruction manuals. If you say that the Bible is an instruction manual, then you've never read an instruction manual. Instruction manuals say things like "Connect part A to part B using tool C." It's very specific. The Bible, on the other hand, says things like "Love your neighbor as yourself" and then we have to figure out how to do that.

How do you know when you're in love? Some married couples will say things like "Falling in love is like being struck by lightning." But for those of us who've never actually been struck by lightning and don't know how that feels (it sounds painful), that doesn't really help. Or they'll say things like "You just know," which doesn't help either. I think what they are really saying is that falling in love is impossible to describe. To be fair, if someone who'd never experienced sadness asked me "How do you know when you're sad?" then I would probably say "You just know." It comes without warning, it's visceral. Falling in love must be like that. It seems that no love story is the same. There's no formula, no fool-proof method. With love, we must all travel down mystical, untold paths.

Figuring out whether you love someone enough to marry them is so much pressure. I take forever to pick out a pair of jeans that I'll wear for the next two years. When it comes to choosing who I'll spend the rest of my life with, my brain crashes. I'm thankful that God is involved in the process, and His will is certainly paramount. But sometimes, knowing God's will is as elusive as knowing if you're in love. What's more, I don't believe that God causes people to fall in love. That would breech our freewill, which offers us the choice to love--and who to love.

Love seems to branch out and take root as you get older. For me, it's become more philosophical, and I often get lost in its labyrinth. I remember my teenage crush. If you would've asked me back then if I was in love, then I would've said 'Yes' without a second thought. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm searching for that young feeling again, but it most likely wasn't love, because it wasn't real. At that age, nothing is real. Back then, love was part of my ego-centric fantasy along with everything else. It's those wonder years when you think that the world is your stage and that everyone is watching you. And later, you find out that everyone thinks that you're watching them. It was before I knew how much love costs, how much it risks. It was before I knew that love would break my heart more than once.

I know how it feels to miss someone. Perhaps, I will know that I'm in love when I try to imagine my world without her, and am overcome with a sick longing. When the realization that a fiery sunset or luminous rainbow or stormy ocean or four-leaf clover or firefly is all colorless without her, then I will fight to see it all together. Among other things, love is magnetic. Two hearts that are cursed by love would rather die than live apart for long. It's interesting that when an elderly person loses their spouse then often their own health soon begins to fail. It seems that life and love are inseparable.

Sometimes, I feel lonely, and I miss my future bride. It's as if I'm already in love with her, and yet, as far as I know, I haven't met her. But I'm still a hopeful romantic. I still believe in true love. Sometimes, you have to believe in the impossible to make it happen. When you ask older couples about true love, many will say that in the long haul it's more important that you simply like each other. They say that that's more consistent and lasting and practical than intoxicating love. In that case, falling in love begins and ends with "liking." So maybe rather than asking myself if I'm in love with someone, I should be asking if I like her. Recognizing that you like someone seems to open the door to loving them. I don't believe that we are victims of romantic love, but that we always have the choice to not walk through that door. Sometimes, we wander through without paying attention. Sometimes, our hearts choose for us, when our minds are distracted. Maybe, for some of us, in hindsight we will see that we were in love all along, and we'll hear God chuckle. Maybe, true love is closer than we think.